I hate rules. Anyone who is close to me is aware of
my hatred of rules.
When you step out of your house, you enter a world
of rules; traffic rules, work rules, party rules, bar rules, etc. Rules just
have a way of taking the fun out of life. However, when it comes to bro codes,
that shit is sacred and not for chuckles. The code was created by men for
all men to follow, no exceptions. If you do not know what the bro codes are,
you are failing your fellow brethren.
Here are the 10 bro codes that can never be broken.
Code # 1
If your bro’s wife, side-chick or girlfriend asks
you any tricky questions about his activities, it is your duty to deny any and
everything. You do not know who his female friends are, you do not know
what he did last night, you do not know his current location and you certainly
do not know if he is talking to any other women. You are to back up your
brothers at all times even if his woman threatens your life. Also, you are not
allowed to be close friends with your bro’s wife or girlfriend. You cannot meet
them for tea or lunch or ride together to a church event. If your bro’s woman
tries to get close to you, develop an anti-social attitude and get the heck out
of there.
Code # 2
Your bro’s sister is totally off limit. It does not
matter how hot she is; you are not permitted to approach under no
circumstances. You do not stare at her, you do not comment on her desirable
features, you do not ogle at her and you do not dare try to have sex with her.
Mess with your bro’s sister and you will find yourself sleeping with the
fishes.
Code # 3
If your bro hits on a girl and he is about to score
and cheat on his wife or girlfriend, you are allowed to have one intervention
only. You are permitted to remind him once of the bad choice he is about to
make. If he tells you to go screw yourself, you are released from any
responsibilities from that time onwards. You have done your duty as a bro. Pay
for his drink and yours and let him be.
Code # 4
Wingman duties are not optional. At any point in
time, a bro will need your services as a wingman. You are expected to avail
yourself immediately and report for duty when called upon. Wingman
responsibilities are not negotiable. You must support your bro until he
achieves his ultimate goal which is, score a hot chick or two if he so desires.
After he scores, you can proudly declare that you have fulfilled your civic
duty as a wingman.
Code # 5
Let me just get this out of the way since I have
minor grievances with this code. I will, however, abide by this code until
the brotherhood decides to make amends. Do not, and I repeat, do not
ditch your friends for a girl. If you made plans to hang out with your
bros and you run into a girl who seems nice, make arrangements to see her the
next day. Do not break formation and separate yourself from the herd. There are
a few exceptions, though. If you are guaranteed a score that very day or in the
next few hours, your bros must give you a pass. Proof may be required if any of
your bros suspect that you lied about the guarantee.
Code # 6
If your Bro shares any nudes he received from a
woman, you are required to protect that evidence at all cost. You are not to
share the evidence with anybody else. Your bros will trust that the picture
deal is struck between just you and him and it should stay that way. Any
evidence your bro shares with you cannot be discussed or shared with your wife
or girlfriend; period!
Code # 7
If your bro is dressed horribly and his outfit
could generate some level of disgrace for the male species, you are obligated
to tell him that he looks horrible. If your bro shows up to the club with pink
shoes, blue pants and a loud green shirt, you are responsible for dragging him
out of the club and away from the public eye. If you are both rocking the same
outfit, do your other bros a favor and entertain each other all evening. You
are not to approach any bros looking like a peacock in public.
Code #8
If your bro picks you to be his best man, it is an
honor. As the best man, it is your duty and obligation to organize the best
bachelor party ever. You are also expected to provide your bro with anything he
needs for his pleasure; no questions asked. As a best man, you need to
understand that your bro is about to turn himself in for a life sentence. It is
your duty to make his last few moments of freedom as enjoyable as possible. You
are never to speak of any activities that occurred prior to the wedding. You
are to take all of your bro’s secrets to your grave. Also, do not forget
to confiscate all cell phones at the bachelor party. Your bro will not ask you
to do this but you are not to invite his future wife’s brother, male cousins,
nephews etc. to the bachelor party. Do not let your bro down and ruin his last
moments of freedom.
Code # 9
You must greet your bros appropriately at all
times. If you must hug your bro, make sure your chests do not touch. A hug can
never come before a handshake. All hugs must be accompanied with a pat on the
back. Hugging must last no more than a second; this is not a soccer match. If you
develop special handshakes or greetings, stick to that routine always unless
you both agree to make a change.
Code # 10
I saved the most important code for last because
this is a rule that can never, ever be broken by any man on this earth. Never
go after or date your bro’s exes. I do not care if she is Yvonne Nelson or
Yvonne Okoro. I do not care if she says it’s okay. I do not care if she shows
up at your house in the middle of the night in a bikini. You are not to touch
your bro’s exes. If your bro breaks up with his girl, act like you broke up
with her too. Also, never go after a girl your bro is already chasing. If you
both meet a hot chick, whoever makes the first move gets to keep going after
the prize.
All men are to follow these bro codes. Any violation
of these codes will earn you an ass-whopping.
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